Have you ever felt the weight of generational anger shape your worldview? My guest, Paul, and I explore the raw and riveting transformation from anger to empathy, revealing how one can reconstruct an upbringing awash with frustration into a life brimming with understanding. We discuss the pivotal role of education in breaking free from the shackles of inherited discord and dive into the potent mix of self-aware change as a catalyst for healthier communication.
Setting boundaries is an art form, and in this episode, we paint a vivid picture of personal growth through the mastery of this skill. It's about moving past blame and taking personal responsibility. We also shine a light on the profound influence Dr. Gary Chapman's five love languages can have on our relationships. Ever thought about the power of a game to change the way you express and receive love? Paul and I unpack the potential of gamifying emotional literacy to cement a nurturing environment, particularly when navigating the complexities of parenting neurodiverse children.
Wrapping up, we delve into the heartwarming transformations that intentional acts of love can spark. I open up about my experiences with 'love journals' and how they can lead to lasting bonds within educational settings and beyond. And just when you think you've heard it all, we share a story about how consistent kindness can mend strained relationships and how love, when given without expectation, creates ripples that touch the shores of our lives in unexpected ways. Join us for this unforgettable expedition through the landscapes of anger, love, and the human heart.
Have you ever felt the weight of generational anger shape your worldview? My guest, Paul, and I explore the raw and riveting transformation from anger to empathy, revealing how one can reconstruct an upbringing awash with frustration into a life brimming with understanding. We discuss the pivotal role of education in breaking free from the shackles of inherited discord and dive into the potent mix of self-aware change as a catalyst for healthier communication.
Setting boundaries is an art form, and in this episode, we paint a vivid picture of personal growth through the mastery of this skill. It's about moving past blame and taking personal responsibility. We also shine a light on the profound influence Dr. Gary Chapman's five love languages can have on our relationships. Ever thought about the power of a game to change the way you express and receive love? Paul and I unpack the potential of gamifying emotional literacy to cement a nurturing environment, particularly when navigating the complexities of parenting neurodiverse children.
Wrapping up, we delve into the heartwarming transformations that intentional acts of love can spark. I open up about my experiences with 'love journals' and how they can lead to lasting bonds within educational settings and beyond. And just when you think you've heard it all, we share a story about how consistent kindness can mend strained relationships and how love, when given without expectation, creates ripples that touch the shores of our lives in unexpected ways. Join us for this unforgettable expedition through the landscapes of anger, love, and the human heart.
Welcome to the s j child show. Wear a little bit of knowledge, can turn to fear. I don't understand it. Enjoy this.
Speaker 2:Hi, and welcome to the SJ Child Show. Today, I am really excited to like I just said, start off the month of February in such a wonderful way. And I have a really great guest And we're kind of neighbors. We're city neighbors, I guess, kinda quite far away, but in the same state at least. So, Paul, it's so nice to meet you and have you hear this morning. How is your weather down in Saint George this morning?
Speaker 3:Well, it's threatening to rain right now. And so we're we're looking for a little bit of that rain that Southern California is getting. So One of those one of those days. Most of the time, it's really sunny. Yeah. Yes. Yesterday, we had sixty degrees, and it was very nice.
Speaker 2:Very nice day. And now we have fifty five this morning and sunny. So but I think that there's also a storm headed our way too. So we're enjoying the warm before the storm, why we can't. Oh, it's it's wonderful to have you here today. Tell the listeners a little bit about yourself, introduce yourself, and then we'll get into this fantastic conversation.
Speaker 3:Thank you, sir. So so good to be with you today, and I'm looking forward to our conversation as well. I actually came from a a childhood that was was more of what I term an angry childhood and that was an angry culture. Angry culture looks like there's no boundaries in an angry culture. You know, everybody everybody's business is your business, and there were just no lines established at all. It also looks like people talking over one another they'll if you're talking somebody else's start talking, thinking that what they have to say is a whole lot more important than anything you're saying, and nobody gets heard. That's kind of an angry culture. There's always those put downs that the diminishing people. So that actually the thought processes that might elevate you. And it just becomes habitual in that way. And I think it was more of a generational thing, Sarah, that it was just passed down who knows where it started, but it was just passed down from generation to generation. I think education helps us get out of that. A little bit. My father had an eighth grade education. My mother had a high school education. But this generation that I'm in my brother, oldest brother, actually graduated from college, and then there were I think there was one more, and then I graduated from college and now my sister and now now all my children are graduate from college except for one. And they're just doing really, really well in a different with education Mhmm. Making making changes. And and that's kind of where I came from. I wanted a better education on on just dealing with people and looking at people in a different way rather than a critical stance. A critical stance also comes from that angry culture. I didn't wanna do that anymore. I wanted to look instead of what was wrong with people, wanted to look at what what's right with them? What can I love about them? That's what took started me on my journey. Right?
Speaker 2:I love that. You know, I can relate to that in so many ways, and I'm sure so many of us can. And it really goes to show for our generation just kind of the disconnects that we pushed and persevered our way through. As far as for me, that's what I felt. I felt like I was kind of I was an only child. But in that same environment that you were speaking of. And so there weren't, like, closeness of aged people, you know, to me, to be able to lean on, rely on, have trust with anything like that. It was a lone ranger kind of a loan will kind of situation. And I think that In that, yes, I see how, you know, strong I am today, but there's also, you know, we were just my husband and I were just talking about these foundations that were build on, and sometimes we have to go back and look at these foundations that have maybe not such solid blocks. Because they're made up of these things. They're made up of diminishing conversations. They're made up of ideologies that were passed down from someone who was parenting in fear and with fear rather than in love and with love, which is I love that we're gonna talk about. I love today because it's such a big change in yourself in what you can provide as a parent, what you can provide as a a friend as a brother or a sister, I'm sure, and, you know, not only that, but a spouse. And it there's this change that has to happen and it has to happen within you. Like, no one can make that change happen for you. Mhmm. You cannot make that change happen for someone else. That's big. And I think a lot of people, you know, now that are trying to change this kind of parenting mindset really want to do away with those old, you know, ways of parenting that we know that didn't work for us how do we forgive the people who maybe didn't know what how they were doing it, what they were doing, not with intention to maybe hurt us, but how where do we start with that?
Speaker 3:Good questions, Sarah. And I I really love that question. And I think that it was really significant for me that it took me till age thirty five to realize, I gotta stop blaming. Stop blaming my father for all these problems I was having. Of what what the part of the biggest problem that I noticed was that I would be stacking annoyance on top of annoyance on top of annoyance on top of annoyance till I had this flash of anger. And I was hard hard to ever enjoy that myself. And, you know, I was always of other people. Why were they doing that that way? What what's wrong with them? And and just figuring out, focusing on the critical points of why why they were doing things that way. I was looking over that fence thinking I could manage their life thinking I could make their choices for them and I realized that the age thirty five, oh, I'm responsible for my own stuff. I don't have to worry about those guys. But I have to worry about myself, and I have to worry about my own choices, and it just was such a relief to realize, I don't have to really worry about their choices. I can provide advice if they ask for it. I can also provide provide advice if I ask permission to give them advice, and they say it's okay to give them advice. And I realize that's a boundary that I didn't learn as a child. And that was a boundary that really, really needs to be reenacted in society that we need to stop giving advice to people that we don't have permission to give advice to. This clip, we really need to stop that and that and just focus on on what we can do. It really I it's it's like with love. I can't bid somebody to love me. But what I did realize though is that I I have control over sending it out. And responding when it comes my way. So I had to learn those skills of what do I do to send it out? And then what do I need to know to be able to respond and to see that somebody's loving on me. And so in that process, I real I've discovered the five love languages by doctor Gary Chapman And it was through a dating process that about fifteen years ago that I realized it. And actually, of of number ten of eleven children Sarah.
Speaker 2:What about for?
Speaker 3:Quite quite a big family, but it's not. My grandfather had nineteen children. My dad only had eleven. I only have eight. And my and my children my children are done. They're they're only getting three. Don't get it, sir. I want more grandchildren. Yeah. But it's just like one of those things I don't have any control over. So it's just you know, and I realized that those boundaries really kinda need to be set. And so that boundary of of love for me may help me understand that I can give it away and I can respond when it comes by way. And especially as it relates to the five love languages, I loved the principles of it, but as I read the book, I mean, from that angry and dysfunctional background that I came from, I didn't get it. You mean doctor Chapman that if I guess what Sarah's love language is and cater to that, we're gonna be buddies. I'm a bad guesser's not worked up
Speaker 1:until this
Speaker 3:went my life. Why do you think it'll be working now? So it didn't work. And then the second thing that doctor Chapman has is, well, If you take this survey, you can find out what your love language is. But what the heck am I supposed to do with that doctor Chapman advertised? Hello, Sarah. I'm gifts. What do you have for me today?
Speaker 2:It's it's just
Speaker 3:so awkward. It's just so awkward I could wear badge. I should wear badge. Oh, my love language is gifts. Here's my Venmo QR code. Send it on over and and just see what kind of response I would have in a day of doing something like, too awkward, and it just wasn't working for me. But I do remember, Sarah, that even as dysfunctional as our family was growing up, that we played games together, And as we're as we're playing games, we're having this interaction, there's still all the smack talk that all the put downs aggressive competition, all that, but we're just together and and it just felt good to be together like that. So I thought, what if I could make this a game? Learning the love languages, make it a game. So to have a replacement behavior for that stacking of the anger and having those flashes of anger, I was doing and once I had the flash of anger, I'd go back down, and then extract such stacks, stacks active here, and then flash and go back down. And that was the cycle. Wanted to get rid of that cycle in my life because it was affecting my my personal life. It was affecting my business life. You know, you can imagine in public of getting angry and public. It's like someone having an accident in a swimming pool. Everybody scatters and said, what to me? What to me? What to me? And that that person's there standing all alone did not wanna repel people like that. So I thought that, you know, I could contact doctor Chapman and I did and said, doctor Chapman, are you licensing those little pictures? The little icons they have for each one of the love languages. And after a couple weeks, it says turny roll back and said, no. We're not doing that at this time. So I had a a friend in the neighborhood that was a copyright attorney, an intellectual property attorney. And I went to his house and told him this idea that I had, he said this. It's a theory like the love language theory is not copyrightable. Application is. So with that, I thought, well, I make my own icons and I'll make it into a game. So that's what I did. So I made it into a game, and I put it on a a a cube.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's it.
Speaker 3:Just a one inch by one inch cube. And that all sides have pictures on it. They're pictures of the different that depict different love languages. So right now, you see the hands put together almost like Taylor Swift's little little hearts that she sends out. Only there's a difference on this one. It has little conversation plow. So these would be the words from the heart that I love use, the compliments, that sort of thing. The next one is a hand holding that narrow glass. Narrow glass measures time that represents time, the love language of time. The next one is looks like a waiter holding a platter. This would represent service. To hands put together representing touch. Yeah. And the and then the last one, a hand holding the gift. Five love languages, six sides on on the cube. The last one I created is a hand holding a question mark. That one surprised me. So you'll notice that the hand is is held out. It's like it's giving that away. That's the whole idea. There's just two instructions, Sarah. You roll the cube every day. Whatever it lands on. That is the love language of practice in giving away all day that day, all day to everyone. And And at the time, I was single when I created this because I looked around, I said, Dr. Chapman, I don't have a significant other who in there, can I suppose a lot? And I thought, oh, I just get to love everybody and it was perfect, Sarah. I don't know anybody that is with their significant other twenty four seven. And some people don't wanna be with them twenty fourseven. And but I needed that consistent behavior. I need that that consists of being able to love all day long and and send out love and just have a more of a genre a style or a type of love to send out all day. And so this worked really well. While I'm doing that, I'm watching for people that light up. When they light up, I discovered what their primary and the secondary love language is. No longer, Sarah, do you have to say, excuse me, could we pause this relationship for a moment while I have you take this survey so I know how to love you?
Speaker 2:Yeah. You
Speaker 3:don't have to do you don't have to do awkward anymore. We're we're done with awkward. So over a thirty day period, you will have given away all five love languages. So that you know them backwards and forwards. That's when you become a love language linguist. Sexy title. I know you want that. Mhmm. Mhmm. That's how you do it. Why you're after you've done that though, now you have the ISCC, the peripheral vision, so to speak, to see the when someone's loving on you. It may not be most likely won't be your primary love language, but you can say, oh, they're loving on me. It's not my primary love language, but you can respond to that now. It closes that communication gap that many couples have, many Many people have that communication gap that's that you're sending out love, but it's not being received as love. This changes that and changes the whole game. So what we're looking for here, Sarah, is like in your educational piece, you're looking for the literacy of love to raise. That everybody will learn these basic of the basics of the five love languages. And then what happens is with that foundation, that sure foundation that we're talking about as well, that that solid foundation, now we can step kindness a type of kindness and type of kindness and get to the higher laws of love like charity or compassion or forgiveness or mercy or intimacy or trust or empathy or sympathy. All those are higher laws of love. Higher than the than the five love languages. But the five love languages are well, there's a preparatory path that we need to go down to be able to get to those higher levels of love. That's kind of the project that I'm working on.
Speaker 2:I love that. And, you know, I started probably early in my spousal relationship, we've this will be twenty years that will have been together this year. And we really wanted to we'd both been married before. He'd had a child previously I had not, but we both wanted to have a different relationship this time around.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:We both had the same type of relationship that we had come out of in parenting if you know what I mean. So we both didn't want anything to do with those kinds of relationships ships again. And we really were striving to educate ourselves on what was out there to help us create this relationship that could be built on trust, on compassion, on consideration for one another. And I remember, you know, doing the secret and move my cheese? Have you ever heard of that one? And you know, some really great personal, introspective, things and the the love languages that really really helped us take a look at one another and see that we might be communicating differently, but we were intuitively picking up on what we gave each other and received from one another. So that was really nice. And it also helped that we love to communicate with each other. We're just we started office friends, and so we've maintained this level of friendship communication, I guess, if you will, throughout our relationship. And so going into that being able to discuss, okay, now we have children. How do we teach them? How do we help them? How do we seek out their love languages like you were saying. I love this idea for my daughter to have this tool available to her because I think that, excuse me, they're neurodiverse, and I think that that's something that maybe she struggles with reading in people as well. Is how do I express my feelings? How do I understand their expression? Of their feelings. And I can see that what her love languages are because I just like you said, I see what lights her up. My you know, she knows in fact, I told her just the other day, my just so you know, when I'm bringing you, these cookies or these, you know, dinners or everything's all ready for you. This is me showing you how much I love you. Like, this is my love language of of giving an acts of service. And so then she's able to not take it for granted as, oh, my mom's just bringing me food. And really know that this is how I show you. I love you. Mhmm. And so I love that it can be intertwined in not only relationships with a spouse, with a partner, but like you said, with everyone in professional ways, in ways in parenting, and it's so important. You know, and I had this question that came up when we were talking because My son, on the other hand, is profoundly gifted as well as profoundly autistic. He has less expressive abilities than his sister than me than his father. What do you think as far as like us teaching him or watching him and kind of deciphering How do we work with him on that end of things?
Speaker 3:That's a really good question, Sarah. And I think that this this game, game of fine, this the love languages is something fun that some even someone autistic could do. There I've tested this with a a a family of four of the racked of five children, but the youngest was a four year old. And the four year old can't read. Most four year olds can't. Some four year olds are very intuitive. They can't read, but the four year old couldn't even read. But one one day his he and they rolled it individually in within the family. So each individual would have have their own mantra, their own purpose for that particular day of their own love style that they were practicing. Mhmm. One day he rolled physical touch, and and he's jumping up and down four years old help it as Phil said, yes. Physical touch. Physical touch. And immediately, he went to beat up on his brothers. He thought he thought it was permission to go beat up on his brothers. And so the the the mother was trying to hold back all the laughter. So I was an expecting that type of type of of reaction from from her son or from her forial, but he knew exactly what physical touch was. And he knew knew that touching was part of love. Obviously, those brothers expressed it to him and he received it in the pummeling that he'd already received earlier in his life. And he thought that was it was this perfect permission, perfect opportunity now that give it back. Yeah. So it was a teaching moment for that mother
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:To be able to do that. And I think that autistic children could latch onto something like this. They could be taught what each each side of the die, what each side of die means, they can interpret themselves. And that's the beauty of the whole thing that we will all interpret it just a little bit differently. But we can teach this is the type of behavior that we're looking for when we're sending out service. This is the type of behavior when we're sending out touch, and these would be appropriate boundaries that we can tease. And I think that the children aesthetic children or any any children, even adults like myself, age thirty five realizing that the the boundaries there I think that the it's best to describe it this way. The other dad was out walking and found a stick. And It was about three and a half foot long stick. Didn't have any bark on it just like this. I found it just like this. One size very smooth that you can hold on. But the other side has little little points on it, little sharp points and and it's this is kinda knotty. I call this my knotty. And my nice stick. Santa Claus has a stick just like that, I'm sure, Sarah. And that's how your your your get your presence on on Chris. Right. But but I realized that this that stick is really kinda like a spectrum. Like the spectrum that I was trying to work with and and trying to learn, well, this is part of an angry culture versus a loving culture. And those two sides of the spectrum, and then you can take any descriptive word like an adjective and say, what type of behavior am I doing right now? With that on the spectrum and say, is it closer to the angry culture or is it closer to the loving culture? Just for example, let's take the word sarcasm. Angry or loving. It's it's it's kind of fun to to poke sarcasm in a kidding way And it might be loving, but it's really more of an angry lifestyle. It's on the angry side of that Yeah. That spectrum When you consider what the opposite is, Sarah, and this is how I would teach the child or teach any child or teach any adult, that's struggling with this, well, what would be the opposite of of sarcasm? To me, it'd be someone that would be genuine. Somebody that would be authentic, somebody would be true. And when you put all those together on a table, and say, make your choice. Where do you wanna go? What quality do you wanna have? They're gonna choose the genuine or authentic most of the time. They wanna be that true blue. They wanna be on that side of the spectrum. And I think that you can do that with any type of behavior. And opposite. Say, this is what's happening right now. What would be the opposite of that type of behavior? And then just talk through it. Say, what behavior do you really want to incorporate into your character? What is the fabric of that of your character? And what qualities do you want to have in that way? I think it will work with autistic children as well. I'm not sure how severe the autism of is and and maybe more severely autistic children who wouldn't work with. But I think there's a understanding there, deep down understanding that they have They'll they'll start to understand the boundaries of that spectrum. Yeah. This is an agriculture. Those are the boundaries of the agriculture. These are words and the vocabulary of that agriculture, these are words and vocabulary of that loving culture. Where do you wanna be? And where what kind of person would you wanna be? And I think can really use this as a teaching moment. As far as children go to, I'm actually taking, testing this in school system. With with k through twelve or excuse me, k through six Yeah. The primary school system. So what happens is the teacher or or or student would roll the die for the class at the beginning of the day, and the teacher would take that takes two seconds so the teacher would take maybe thirty to forty five seconds to say class, this is the type of behavior we're looking for today. If you see opportunities to love in this way, let's talk about it, and then we want to have you report that at the end of the day. So at the end of the day, the child now understands that they're responsible They have to record what they rolled, opportunities they sought to love in that way, what they did about those opportunities. And not only does it become a reporting process that that child is now responsible for their own stuff, took me to age thirty five to realize that If we can teach a six year old how to be responsible for their own actions, this is gonna tamp down a lot of that bully and a lot of other things that happen in the school system because now they have to report about it, and they have to write something in love in. The teacher will read those do a little check mark. Maybe there's one or two that stand out for that particular day. The next day, the teacher reads those at Balenocast look at what Johnny did. Look what Mary did and that reads and that encourages the class to to whatever they roll that next day that they put it in a journal format that astute or the teacher put a check mark and said, yep. Donnie did it, Mary dev, the teacher will send them back home, the student parents will actually keep those in chronological order. Now at the end of that first grade or third grade, they're finding that now what do you have? You have a journal or that first grader or that third grader. A love journal, something that they love. I absolutely loved my first grade teacher. I remember her name even to this day was many, many, many years ago. I was in first grade, but I remember this missus Rogers with great fondness in my heart. She was elderly. She was probably getting close to retirement. And in fact, I think she retired a couple of years after she taught about the my first grade class, but she was just the kindest lady and I would just remember feeling loved in that classroom. I don't know what else it was that that made me love that classroom. What else was it that made me remember her name? I don't remember. I don't remember second grade, third grade, fourth grade, or fifth grade. I do remember sixth grade. What was it about missus Rogers that made me remember that? I would have loved to have a love journal to be able to record something like that. So children children are impressionable, and children can learn this type of thing. And if they have a tool, And and and it's a game. They'll latch onto it.
Speaker 2:I loved that. And it really gave me some great ideas in moving forward and maybe having this conversation with my son and saying, hey, let's talk about or, hey, when I bring you this, this is me showing you. I love you. Maybe I'll be more vocal about explaining what I'm doing rather than just always doing it. And maybe then then he'll start to also find his own actions and how he wants to show up. And b, you know, by providing that example for our kids and really taking the initiative to jump in and being able to, you know, show it in our actions. That's what they need. They need to see it. Excuse me. They need to see it. And they want, like you said, they intentionally and people across the board, they want to be good, they want to have goodness back to them. And so that comes in how we give and what we give out to the world. And I love the that you're making this like a daily routine. I think it's and it's fantastic. The the book for the measurability of it to then be able to say, wow, what's changed in the last six months since I've been doing this? And maybe being able to look back at your life and say, oh, okay. Well, maybe I'm not friends with this person anymore, but they were maybe a little negative and kind of now I'm uplifted, and I found this new friend that I'm talking to, like, there's so many opportunities that can come about from it.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. I agree with that, Sarah. And I think that that's what we really need to teach our children to look for those good friends, look for those friends people that are gonna be positive in their life, I realized for myself that that as I'm negative, I'm repelling people and I'm more watching for what's wrong with them. And I had to realize that maybe what's wrong with them is maybe ten percent, maybe twenty percent of who that person is. I was focused on just the minority part portion of that person. When I started rolling the die and started watching for how can I love that person, what is there to love about that person? I realized I was now focusing on that eighty to ninety percent of what's good about that person. And I was so busy doing that. I forgot to be annoyed. I forgot to be critical. I didn't have time to do any of that. And that it just was overnight, seriously overnight, just that paradigm shift, one one night I'm looking this way, the next night, I'm looking the other way. And it was just an about face for me of looking at a different way, looking at different direction, having that paradigm shift that was so important for me that transformed me to to be a different person.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So how has the relationship maybe with your kids and grandkids now? How has that changed since you've created this?
Speaker 3:Good question, Sarah. Some of them are still very skeptical just because of they knew me before. They knew me to have these annoyances and and then have these flashes of anger. And as as I interact with them now and and don't have those flashes of anger, but start to focus on what's right about them instead of possibly what was wrong with them. It's a whole lot more relaxed, a whole lot more peaceful, a whole lot more loving and they're starting to come around a little bit. It's not those that I have less interaction with because they're all out of the house now. Most of those that I have less interaction with, obviously, are still a little bit skeptical. Just just because they don't know the the person that I've the paradigm shifts that I've had, they don't they haven't been around it enough to be able to trust it. And so I'm starting this kindness on top of kindness on top kindness, trying to build that trust. Can can you imagine, Sarah, someone insulting, insulting, insulting, insulting, and then asking for forgiveness. Just doesn't work that way. Doesn't happen that way. You know, they've gotta have the stacking of the kindness to get to that point. Yeah. Do you even do you even be able to ask for forgiveness?
Speaker 2:Yeah. I love that you've said that. And I I think that I can look back in my life and really see where maybe I, you know, had hurt people in the past or anything, and it's really in your actions that you have to show up and show them, like, how sorry you are or move on. Like, it was an unfortunately, not with your children, probably. But, you know, in other types of of acquaintance types of relationships. But with with your kids and I have an older stepdaughter and it's I've seen kind of that same same exact thing as that yeah, things were different when we didn't understand that our communication was not in the best form as we wish it was. We were drawing from what we knew and what we knew was the angry culture like you said, I like the way you said that. And we didn't know any better. And when we did no better, we did better at least, you know, in our family we did, my husband and I. And I think that it took a few years for her to be like, where are you treating them your other kids so differently? Like, why don't you do that the same things. And in one sense, we're like, well, aren't you proud of us? So we're not doing that? Like, are you but at the same time, we're like, I'm sorry that you had to see that side of us, but we're doing better now. And when you're a parent and you make a mistake and learn from it and you do better, you'll understand. But it really does come from that live living experience of understanding.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. And you can tell him while I'm growing up. Just like you, I'm growing up. And I I remember those days Sarah, I remember being seventeen to eighteen years old, making that vow that every teenager makes. I'm not gonna be like my parents. I'm I'm not gonna do it like that and then come in being a sure grand when the actor comes comes being, well, I am. I'm stacking those annoyances just like my dad that I'm having those flashes of anger, and then it comes to the point that I gotta stop this. I'm responsible for my own stuff. I can send love out. I can receive it. But I have to be able to to be able to understand it, to be able to see it. I remember not seeing love people that were sending love to me and not being my primary love language, sending it to me, and I'm me not seeing it. And I've missed so many opportunities throughout my life. I don't I don't wanna miss any more opportunities. I know my grandchildren, like sending me love. I know there are a lot of lot of places that love comes from. I wasn't even seeing that, you know, all these times before. Now it's a better life because now it can see it. You know, I think people by and large like Dr. Chapman says, will send love send love out. They'll send their primary love love language in hopes that there's that's coming back that way. To me, that's a transaction, and that's not what the type of love we're talking about. We're talking about sending it out without any expectation that it's coming back but trusting the laws of the universe that are already in place, that were in place even before you and I were ever born, the law of the harvest. Or karma or the law of attraction, whatever you wanna call it, those laws all say that whatever you send out, it's gonna come back to you after many days. Why would we ever send anger out? If we're we're banking on anger coming back to
Speaker 2:us Yeah.
Speaker 3:Why would we do that? It's just crazy that would do that. So send out love. Don't expect it to come back from that person. Just send it out without any expectations. Then it's just the laws of the universe will bring it bring it back to you at some point in time. Just a case in point that way as as I've been working with us, I rode my electric bike couple it's about two and a half miles to Chick fil A one morning. And I must have been still my sweatpants. I I play pickleball early morning, and I must have still had my sweatpants on, but just My wife was gonna just wanted wanted breakfast sandwich. I get there. I'm standing in line. There's this one person in front of me and then another person to the side that was waiting for his food. I get them checked in my past. Oh, heck. I forgot my forgot my driver's license. I forgot forgot my credit card, I forgot my money, and then I just start walking outside. I don't know why I had a business card and and my pocket, but I had a business card. And while I'm walking out and I have to get my helmet back on and get ready to get on the bike, the guy that was standing in the or not stand in line, but waiting for his food, walks out. He heard me. I was vocal in saying, oh, crap. I forgot my money. I sent it out loud. Then he heard that as a so he walks out and he says, I'll pay for your breakfast. So I went back in and he gave me a twenty dollar bill, paid for my breakfast, and just gave him the change. It was only a four dollar breakfast item, but he was there. And that kindness that he's shown, I'll never forget that incident. I was he was from out of town. It was it was it wasn't even a resident of of this town, but just expressing and being ready to express those kindnesses. That's where we should be.
Speaker 2:I love that you received it because a lot of people would have that ego or that pride within them to know that's fine or to not accept it. I love that you did that because that really shows that other person who was trying to help that, like, you were receiving that and they were wanting to give it or they wouldn't have And so I love that balance right there because it has to be that balance for it to be like authentically what it is. Right? Like you said, it can't be this transaction of expectation back and forth. Like, I really I'm just so happy that you said that because I think a lot of people are afraid to receive or are afraid to accept. And they don't understand that that's part of the process. Because you can't just empty your cup out and not ever fill it back up. Like, you have to constantly be in that balance. And so before we go, I I want to everyone to think about what you're going to be doing for the next twenty eight Oh, it's a it's a leap year, twenty nine days. And I want everyone to take this opportunity to show kindness or show someone love love language, you know, order this game. We're I'm gonna have Paul Tell us exactly where we can go to find it. But please, you know, take this time to look within yourselves, you know, help your relationships, help your your own self worth and yourself, love for yourself because I know for a fact, when I go to the grocery store, And this is just something I have always done. I always thank the person sweeping. I always thank the person taking the garbage out, doing the carts, and I tell them, you are vital to this, and I appreciate the work you're doing. Even if nobody at your job says thank you, like, I am appreciative of you. And it changes these people's day. It changes their day. It changes the way they view themselves in their job. It changes the, you know, the way that they approach and or maybe your there has a bad day and you just give them that one uplifting thing, it costs nothing. Zero dollars to give one person what might help them, like, be fruitful in their day.
Speaker 3:I love that, sir. And I love how you use the word give because it really is a gift. Yeah. Some some miles that get the compliments that get and I like I like that that even gifts on this it doesn't have to be something purchased. The best and most valuable gifts are probably not purchased. Something that you can do the high five, given the high five, complement them that you can send them a note. You can you can serve them dinner that day. You could you could just spend time with with them. And just do all the love languages under the umbrella of gifts. And it doesn't have to be something that you have to go out and buy. I I I really love that and and just love your challenge too. Mhmm. To accomplish that challenge, your listeners can go to the role of love dot com r o l e of love dot com. I did a play on word, Sarah.
Speaker 2:Alright. You
Speaker 3:r o l l, you rolled by outside of you. The change actually happens within you, r o l e of love dot com. And that's the the you'll find you know, find my book. It's called The Roll of Love. You'll find that. You'll find the Journal. You'll find the dice. I haven't actually bundled into a package if you want the whole package. And want to really make that change in your life. The package is twenty nine ninety nine. It's about twenty percent off the retail price that you find in the other place. And it's just really something that is a whole lot less than even one therapy session.
Speaker 2:That's for sure.
Speaker 3:But it's gonna last a whole lot longer than that as you implement to the near life. Get to the point that you've done it for twenty one to twenty eight days make it a habit and then just continue to roll the die. This is one of those investments, Sarah. You take the two seconds at the beginning of the day, set the tone for the day, set the purpose for the day, follow that purpose, and then the blessings and the the the good that will come out of you choosing to love and send out love all day that day will be insurmountable. You won't be able to measure the returns on the investment that you're making for that two seconds.
Speaker 2:I love that. Oh, gosh. It's been such a wonderful time having you today. And I'm really, really excited to be able to share this with my listeners and my audience and I hope that we can definitely stay in touch. We're, like I said, only five hours away from one another. So we'll have to if you come up this way or I come down this way, we'll give you a tougher rain for sure.
Speaker 3:Sounds good.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It's so nice to have you. Thank you so much. Any plans for you or events or anything exciting coming up?
Speaker 3:Sarah, they're we've got a family reunion this next week. So so that's pretty exciting.
Speaker 2:That is.
Speaker 3:It's my wife's side of the family and and they're actually really really nice nice people and they all get together. They're all still living and they all get together and they they're coming down to to Saint George area because this warmer down there.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Hopefully hopefully the rain have begun. I know there'll be some clouds during the time they're here, but least it'll be good for golfing at that time. But thank you thank you so much for letting me be a guest on your on your podcast today, and and blessings to you for all the good that you do.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. I'm I look forward to staying in touch.