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THE SJ CHILDS SHOW-Advocating for Autistics, One Story at a Time
🎙️ Welcome to The SJ Childs Show Podcast! 🎉
Join Sara Bradford—better known as SJ Childs—as she bridges understanding and advocacy for the neurodivergent community. This podcast shines a light on autism awareness, empowering stories, expert insights, and practical resources for parents, educators, and individuals alike.
Brought to you by The SJ Childs Global Network, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting autistic individuals and their families worldwide, this show is your weekly dose of inspiration and actionable ideas. Visit sjchilds.org to learn more about our mission, find resources, and connect with our growing community.
Catch us on platforms like Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Goodpods—or tune in Fridays at 8:30 AM EDT on the Helium Radio Network’s Life Improvement Radio (Channel 1). Together, let’s foster a brighter, more inclusive world! 🌟
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THE SJ CHILDS SHOW-Advocating for Autistics, One Story at a Time
Episode 295-Finding Identity: Daniel Durany's Journey as an Autistic Advocate and Entrepreneur
Daniel Durany's journey from job losses to discovering his place on the autism spectrum offers a raw and inspiring narrative. His experiences growing up in a socially reserved family, juxtaposed with his outgoing nature, shed light on the complexities of forming friendships and finding one's identity. As we catch up with Daniel, he shares his insights from navigating the world as a sports referee and the joys and challenges of fatherhood, all while advocating for greater understanding and acceptance within the autism community.
The path for an autistic entrepreneur can be fraught with unique challenges, but Daniel's story is one of resilience and innovation. We discuss the often overlooked career skills essential for success and the strategy of balancing multiple jobs, akin to managing a stock portfolio. Daniel's reflections on the value of diverse experiences highlight the creativity and adaptability that neurodivergent individuals bring to the table, challenging conventional career paths and expectations.
As the conversation unfolds, we explore the power of diverse skill sets and meaningful connections. Daniel's anecdotes underscore the importance of empathy and listening in relationships, whether in marriage or professional settings. Mentorship emerges as a crucial element for neurodivergent individuals, and we eagerly anticipate Daniel's upcoming speaking engagements in Oklahoma and Texas. This episode is a call to action to stay connected through social media and to continue supporting Daniel's endeavors in creating a more inclusive world.
Welcome to the SJ Child Show, where a little bit of knowledge can turn fear into understanding. Enjoy the show. Hi and thanks for joining the SG Child Show. Today we are having a return guest. I'm so excited because we get to number one honor how much and how far he's come since the last time we've seen him, heard from him, come since the last time we've seen him, heard from him and also just catch up, which I love to do, because Daniel is someone who I admire, who I, my husband, thought was just like such an incredible speaker and really thought that his story was so beautiful in some of the events. So I'm really glad that you got to like impact my own family like that. Daniel. That's pretty me. You know to say that, to just say that at all. So thank you so much and it's good to see you again.
Speaker 2:It's nice to see you too.
Speaker 1:I'm really happy that we get to catch up like this, and I think that some exciting things have happened and you have some things coming up that I'm excited to talk about. But just for those listeners who are first-time listeners and may not know, you give us an introduction and then we'll fast forward into, well, wherever we want to go.
Speaker 2:I'm Daniel Duraney. I'm a public speaker and advocate in the autism field. I speak all over the country. While I'm not doing that, I'm a referee in three different sports volleyball, softball and basketball. My main passion is softball. That's where I've advanced the furthest and I am married. I've been married for nine years and I have a four-year-old son.
Speaker 1:I love that. Congratulations on that too. Four is such an exciting age, oh man, and it's going to be holiday season. That's going to be so much fun to be able to share and explore and see all the curiosity that comes from that time. Oh, I'm sure you're going to have so much fun.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so tell us a little bit about your journey. Journey, when were you diagnosed and how did that information help or help define what might happen for you coming up later?
Speaker 2:Here's what's interesting about it. In September of 2008, I went to go pick up a paycheck on a Friday afternoon and the boss called me into his office. And when the boss does that, usually something bad is going to happen. There's always that uh-oh feeling. Well, there was that uh-oh feeling I'd been let go. That was the fifth time in that year's span that I'd been let go. That was the fifth time in that year span that I'd been let go. So I realized something was wrong with me and something wasn't right, because I was let go. And not only was I let go, I was let go without reason.
Speaker 2:Texas, where I'm from, is a fire at will state, so they don't have to disclose why you're let go. So I realized I couldn't learn from this situation because I didn't know why I was let go. I needed to get diagnosed and see if I was on the autism spectrum. That's when DARS. I needed to get diagnosed and see if I was on the autism spectrum. That's when DARS, now known as Texas Workforce Commission, they provided me a clinical psychologist and they got me tested to see if I'm on the spectrum, and I was later diagnosed on the spectrum in November of 2008. So that's my journey with that and I've learned so much about myself during this journey in the last 15 years with my condition. What makes me tick, what's worked, what hasn't worked, and it's helped me become the best advocate that I could possibly be for me but also for other people along the way.
Speaker 1:I love that and I can resonate with that in that late diagnosis and that kind of discovery of yourself. When you look back at your childhood and your maybe let's talk about like early childhood you know elementary age. What types of challenges or skills did you? Do you think that you possibly portrayed that were missed?
Speaker 2:I struggled with developing friendships my own age. That was my struggle in elementary school. I knew I was different when I was 11 years old by the people I was hanging out with. That's when I started seeing something different and odd and that was my struggle. Overall, I feel like, knowing the research I've done and being around other advocates and listening in, I think the number one toughest struggle for people on the spectrum is developing lasting relationships If you really think about it. Lasting relationships If you really think about it. I haven't met one person on the autism spectrum that says I didn't struggle with developing lasting relationships. Everyone at some capacity of time struggled with it with it?
Speaker 1:and did you have in your family typical um siblings or parents that then were like, well, why can't you do this? I'm not sure I don't understand that. In my case, was that that was the case, was, and I was an only child. So it was like, well, why can't you be like these other girls that hang out in these groups of girls? Why can't you be like that? And it was. That was a very confusing um judgment to be passed on me Understand, not know, or even like you know. You really put a lot of like hate in yourself. I have to say, like when you don't understand that the people around you are, you know, different and you're feeling different, but when it comes down to it, I think it's so so much better now there's such a better presence of how many different you know individuals can be autistic without the idea that it has to look like one thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just know that my parents, especially my mother, was really hard on me socially. I come from a background where my dad is really shy. I come from a background where my dad is really shy and my mom is private, very, very private with her feelings and stuff and, yeah, I was actually outgoing so my mother didn't know how to harness that to my advantage and that was really hard um for them. I realized I talked a lot about sports as a kid and if I knew what I knew today I I teach about branching out and non branching out socially from their, from their specific topics of interest. Yeah, and that's what I try to teach. So they use other subjects besides their favorite topic and use other topics involved in it, involved with their favorite topic, to talk about situations that are to their advantage.
Speaker 1:I really like that a lot. I think it's really important that we see people's strengths in their interests. We realize that the more we can allow that curiosity in their interest and, like you said, allow that curiosity in their interest and, like you said, maybe build kind of strategies around that, and how much better for that person they can have success and and find their own like-minded people Right, and that's such a nice thing. That I don't know about you, I feel like wasn't until the last three years of my life I've been able to like identify oh my gosh, okay, this is why I am who I am and how I think like this and why I've been questioned for my thinking, my entire life, my thinking, my entire life, and it really gave me, like this validity and I found within you and the other people that I connected with this like-minded in so many ways, right In that same, having trouble making relationships, and then people would look at me now and think Troublemaking relationships, and then people would look at me now and think that's ridiculous, like no way.
Speaker 1:You do that every day with people. I do, I practice, I practice, I practice, I practice, practice, practice. And that's what we have to do when it doesn't come naturally to us is that we have to be super practicers and if it's important to us, right and we have to make sure that those things and kind of like you, I mean, I think I was social, my mom was really social and my dad was social in his circles, but not outside of that. But my husband and my daughter are so shy and so it's very unique to have those differences and be able to see them and appreciate them for exactly what they are and that safety that it kind of like I feel like brings to me. In this balance that I'm probably the loudest person in the room, you know, but that's okay, it's usually laughter, thank goodness. You know I tend I want to spend my loudness in ways that are worth and valuable and not worthless.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that's interesting. Well, and so then, what did you know? You obviously just are so educated. Tell us about your education journey. You know after high school, that transition and what that all looked like for you college.
Speaker 2:I went to a Baptist university my first year of college and everything went downhill. Just transitioning was poor and I started going through depression, going through a lot of mental health issues, and I realized I needed to take a step back and go back to a community college and live back at home to see where I stand for myself. So I did that and then I graduated with my bachelor of science degree in communication studies of all topics at Texas Christian University. So I got my bachelor of science there, christian University. So I got my Bachelor of Science there. Then I went into the work world and I wanted to go and get a Master's immediately but I couldn't. But I really always wanted to get a Master's because I feel like sometimes a Bachelor's really doesn't done much in this world, depending on what your degree is, depending on what your degree is. So I went into the work world.
Speaker 2:Transition struggled in that as well and that's when I needed to get help and I learned a lot about myself in the job world. And then I realized I worked in public school system and I realized how much red tape there was and I couldn't advocate in the public school system like I can as a public speaker doing this podcast today with you. So I chose to go back to school in accounting and I got my accounting degree and accounting is nice. And I got my accounting degree and accounting is nice. But then my heart is so into refereeing and speaking and where I'm at. So I got my master's.
Speaker 2:I did it while working two jobs and having a mortgage and having a wife and a son during that whole time. So it shows what I'm capable of with what I've got and the skills that I can possess. I mean, not many people can do that with two jobs and a family while working on a master's. So I did that and then I realized accounting. I struggled in the job world in that, so I've learned along the way different things as an advocate, like like how to handle losing jobs, what colleges don't teach you.
Speaker 1:To get to me, to be where I'm at today, I love that and that's a good transition, because I, you know, you and I kind of talked about what's a good topic for us to discuss today and kind of the you know, at a great midpoint let's talk about our elephant in the room Okay, there's not really one, but job security and loss of jobs. Losing jobs Tell us what that was like, and maybe did any of the employers give you any ideas so that you kind of knew what to work on moving forward? Or was it just a guessing game and like throwing darts in the dark or something, or something?
Speaker 2:I've lost it in so many ways. It's like taking a team, a football team, and they lose games in so many different ways. So it's really hard to pinpoint one thing. But I've been able to pinpoint two things that I've learned with losing jobs. Before I was diagnosed, I would say I was losing jobs socially. I said things out of turn, out of characteristic and everything I realized. I learned from that and said I'm going to be reserved. I'm going to keep my conversations work-related and chit-chat when the opportunity presents itself by doing some small talk. But I've learned now, especially after getting my accounting degree, that these companies are for profit, so they want to see if they can make a buck out of you. They want to see if they can make a buck out of you. They want to see if they can profit with you working for them, and I haven't been able to do well in that aspect.
Speaker 2:Accounting and accounting is much more than just math that people realize. There's a lot of parts to it, like knowing what goes to where and where it goes goes into certain pieces, and if you're doing bookkeeping the numbers have to be right and if anything is skewed off on a bank statement, the whole thing is off in being able to reconcile accounts. So I'm learning that they're looking to profit. So I think if we could gain two things if I was talking to people on the spectrum what employers are looking at? They're looking at the social side and they're looking to see if they can profit or if you can bring value to the organization at the same time. So that's what I've learned along the way. I've also learned with these jobs that I've lost, that colleges don't teach you how to handle these situations. And there's two other things they don't teach you. They don't teach you how to counter offer and they don't teach you how to ask for a raise.
Speaker 1:Those are some good programs that you could put into place.
Speaker 2:So I've learned a lot about myself along the process and I've learned that maybe in terms of keeping a job and losing these jobs, I'm better off with multiple ones at the same time and treat it like stocks and traded like stocks, and if one stock fails, you still have others to go along with it, instead of being disappointed. Where you find one, lose one have to start all over again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when you're on the spectrum, you have to think outside the box, you have to think differently than the average person well, and I think you do just by default.
Speaker 1:So I think it's that's what the people don't understand often, is that? How can you be thinking like this? It's so strange. But yeah, this is what it looks like. It looks like me coming up with ideas that you haven't heard before, and they might sound outlandish or crazy, but in in due time they they make sense, and then society usually catches up eventually.
Speaker 1:That's what I found to be the case for my careers throughout my existence, and it's so interesting that you said that, because I had told you before that I'm like a serial entrepreneur and you know I always my parents were, my mom was a nurse and my dad was in the military. He commanded a base and all you know, very stable, very like secure kind of things, and they never could understand this wild being that I was, that wanted to do, you know, seven different things at once, or you know, like you, just two or three jobs at a time and um. But I think that it also gave me the opportunity, when I look back, to see, oh my gosh, thank goodness I, you know, worked as a preschool teacher. What amazing child care experience that gave me for being a great mom someday and having ideas of teaching children. Oh, it's so nice that I worked in real estate so that I could understand the market in times of any time of need, when I needed to understand things like that, you know. Or I was a massage therapist for a sports team for a while and now I have that knowledge, you know, to kind of guide me, and I'll tell you what, Daniel, I think you'll appreciate this.
Speaker 1:When I it was 2002, when I decided I wanted to go into massage therapy and my parents were like, oh, do you know what they do? It's like no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You guys have no idea what is like no. And it was like literally the beginning of the entire huge blow up that massage therapy became. And you know, now there's chains of massage therapy places all over the place and and I kind of felt like I, oftentimes, in my parents eyes, was, you know, pioneered all these ideas of things that they were just like Sarah, how could you think that?
Speaker 1:And I was like no, it's great, it's great, I'm gonna like work with these players and it's gonna be fantastic. They just thought I was this crazy, crazy person. But I made it all happen, you know. So I, without all of those pieces, though, like I would feel so incomplete, Like I feel like I've lived a hundred lives as as the being that I am and I wouldn't want it any other way. And now I can understand who who I am. You know, the ADHD that I am every day, the autism that I present once in a while. So fascinating.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you this you learn more through this process, with these job situations. Then if you had held a job for five to 10 years with the company, I think you learn more skills and talents along the way. That's what people don't realize. Oh, you didn't gain any skills. That's wrong. I think you gain more skills and talents along the way than you did if you held a job for five to 10 years at a time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, agreed, couldn't agree more. Now I think that, um, it's been so helpful to have so many skills along the way. You know, kind of in the midst of massage school, I was a paralegal for a while. Those skills helped me be a great writer and write children's books later on. I mean these like building of skills on top of one another and I, you know like, go to high school reunion and the person's like, wow, I've worked at this furniture store for 30 years.
Speaker 1:You're like oh my gosh, that's the saddest thing I've ever heard, not to be just, you know any. I'm sure that they're happy, but for myself, like I couldn't imagine. I couldn't imagine that. So kudos on us for like building the skill ladder Right.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so I can't say what it's like actually for those. You know groups of people that are able to have easy flowing relationships with one another. But now as an adult it's my favorite thing to do in life is make friends and be friends and, you know, make connections with people. It's like a super skill now. So what did you do for yourself to practice? Because you got a wife. So you must have done something right in you know being able to, to manage that. So tell us about kind of that journey and what that was like.
Speaker 2:I think what's helped me, especially with my wife, is being a good listener, letting her say what she needs to say, letting her get her point across, letting her whether it be to vent, if she needs to vent to just get her point across. I think I've tried to be the best listener that I can possibly be and to be the best empathetical person as I can possibly be along the way and that's what's helped a lot with with the relationship side of things, especially with my wife. I've I've learned how to be a professional in my conversation in the work world, whether it be as a referee, working with my partners or working with coaches or players. I've learned to keep conversations work-related. I've learned to build good rapport within the game with those coaches and players and co-officials, to be able to work with them and and that means a lot to me and I've grown a lot of confidence along the way doing that, doing that type of stuff, and they get to know you and they get to know your tendencies.
Speaker 1:so it helps a lot when you're doing a good job on the, on the court or on the field and they know you, they could trust you to do your job, to do their and they could do their thing I love that and you know what I have to harry james o'kelly, she, just she inspired my brain to inspire you to tell you you should start the NeuroDivergent Referee Coaching Program online so that people have to come and you give little classes on how to do things better that you've learned. I mean just just Harry told me to say it.
Speaker 2:I guess she, she mused my brain right here in this moment, so a lot of little things from uh co-officials along the way how to handle a coach, how to handle situations, constructive feedback, being able to give constructive feedback to other co-officials, how to talk to them while listening to what they have to say as well. How to handle egos in that profession as well. Some people are not into feedback, so I don't get feedback. So those are things I've learned that I can help as a neurodivergent referee to do that. I've had a mentor in every sport that I officiate. That's helped a lot along the way, and being able to have a mentor, I think, is huge. I think, for every person on the spectrum. They need to have a mentor in the job world. I have a lot of. I have several people that I can go to in the job world. I have several people that I can go to in the job situation, mentor-wise and how to handle situations. So that's helped a lot along the way.
Speaker 1:I love that Absolutely. Well, what do we have coming up? What do you have in the pipeline, where can we see you speaking, and what kind of things do you have coming up next?
Speaker 2:Tomorrow I've got a speaking gig in Oklahoma, edmond Oklahoma. I speak at Edmond Oklahoma at the Oklahoma Autism Conference, at the Oklahoma Autism Conference and then in April I speak at one of the service centers in Texas. I do a virtual. I'm trying to follow up with other ones along the way. I always feel like I've got a couple that are upcoming and then there's like another five or six that are pending, or they want me to follow up with them in a later time, or I catch them too late and they've already got their speakers. So I'm always trying to stay in touch with that aspect with um getting more speaking gigs along the way I love that well.
Speaker 1:You know you always have an open invitation to my events. Daniel and we just like are so happy to have made this connection and relationship with you. So I can't wait till I get to visit Texas one day and just do my SJ Child show tour in Texas and see all the friends I've made. And if I ever have an in-person event in here in Utah, hopefully you'll come and visit us here and see how that goes too. I've had a few people say they might be interested in that. So keeping my thinking caps on.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:I love it. It's so great to catch up with you. Is there a place social media, things like that email address that you would recommend to people to get in touch with you if they have opportunities, ideas, questions, all the good stuff?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. They can follow me on Facebook. They can follow me on Facebook. They can follow me on Twitter. I'm at ddsportsology, so ddsports o-l-o-g-y. Or you can follow me on my email dsderaney, so deraney is spelled d-u-r-a-n-y at yahoocom.
Speaker 1:Trying to see. Did I type oh look, my glasses are in my head. Didi Sportsology. Did I spell everything right? It looks right, but you know, you never know until you get a second opinion. Maybe that's right.
Speaker 2:That's right, that's correct, excellent.
Speaker 1:Well, please, listeners, if you are interested in reaching out and going and following Daniel, and, of course, for those of you who are returning and have got to catch up and find out more like if you want to reach out to Daniel about his refereeing, find out more like if you want to reach out to daniel about his refereeing. Um, I think that you have so much potential and so much exciting things coming up for you and we are excited to catch up with you.
Speaker 1:Again, and thanks so much for coming on you're welcome yay, well, I look forward to staying in touch and we will be talking to you soon, daniel talk to you soon.
