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THE SJ CHILDS SHOW-Building a Community of Inclusion
🎙️ Welcome to The SJ Childs Show Podcast! 🎉
Join Sara Bradford—better known as SJ Childs—as she bridges understanding and advocacy for the neurodivergent community. This podcast shines a light on autism awareness, empowering stories, expert insights, and practical resources for parents, educators, and individuals alike.
Brought to you by The SJ Childs Global Network, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting autistic individuals and their families worldwide, this show is your weekly dose of inspiration and actionable ideas. Visit sjchilds.org to learn more about our mission, find resources, and connect with our growing community.
Catch us on platforms like Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Goodpods—or tune in Fridays at 8:30 AM EDT on the Helium Radio Network’s Life Improvement Radio (Channel 1). Together, let’s foster a brighter, more inclusive world! 🌟
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THE SJ CHILDS SHOW-Building a Community of Inclusion
Episode 327-Everyone Deserves Connection: Dating with Disabilities with Kathy O'Connell
Kathy O'Connell opens up about her journey navigating dating while living with cerebral palsy, revealing how vulnerability and self-acceptance transformed her personal life and launched her mission to help others. As founder of Radiant Abilities, she's developed a framework that guides people with disabilities through the often challenging world of dating and relationships.
Her story is both touching and inspiring – after years of painful dating experiences, Kathy learned that openly acknowledging her disability while confidently highlighting her strengths as a partner was the breakthrough she needed. This approach led to meeting her husband of 16 years, who initially struggled with his own discomfort but was drawn to her authentic confidence.
Through her virtual program "Dating Made Easier," Kathy coaches individuals to identify where they are in their dating journey and provides targeted support through workshops and community connections. Unlike traditional matchmaking services, she empowers participants to become their own best matchmakers, developing the self-awareness and confidence to attract compatible partners.
The conversation explores how self-acceptance is the foundation for successful relationships, not just for people with disabilities but for everyone seeking meaningful connection. As Kathy beautifully explains, "When you are living to be your happiest self, people are drawn to the light." This radiance becomes the natural magnet that attracts the right people into your life.
Looking to transform your dating experience through greater self-acceptance and confidence? Visit radiantabilities.com to download free resources on building self-esteem and discover how Kathy's coaching program can help you navigate relationships with authenticity and purpose.
The SJ Child Show is Backford's 13th season. Join Sarah Bradford and the SJ Child Show team as they explore the world of autism and share stories of hope and inspiration. This season we're excited to bring you more autism summits featuring experts and advocates from around the world. Go to sjchildsorg to donate and to get more information. Congratulations on 2024's 20,000 downloads and 300 episodes.
Speaker 2:Hello, we are back. Welcome to the SJ Child Show. Today we have a wonderful guest, ms Kathy O'Connell, with Radiant Abilities. I'm so happy to have you here today, kathy.
Speaker 3:Oh, thank you. I'm delighted to be here, Sarah.
Speaker 2:It's such a pleasure to have you here and I'm excited to learn more about you and learn about Radiant Abilities. Introduce yourself.
Speaker 3:Tell us a little bit about yourself today, helping people of all different disabilities to date, and to make meaningful connections.
Speaker 2:So special and so important. Everyone is looking to make a connection and you know, even in my old parenting episodes from season four or something it feels like years ago, one thing I always say is that kids are looking for connections, not attention, they're looking for connection. And it's so important that we see that in people, that people that we surround ourselves with, we're out in public with people want to make connections. Just sometimes we just don't know how, or we don't know how to support those who you know are unsure of that. And for people in the dating scene.
Speaker 3:It can feel really scary.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:Inside you make those connections.
Speaker 2:Isn't that the truth? What made you decide to start? Tell us about Radiant Abilities and what that means and kind of how that started for you.
Speaker 3:Well, Radiant Abilities was the name of what used to be just my private mental health practice. However, I also provided training and making engagements. I wrote a book. So as I began doing more in my business, we had to come up with a good name. And because I myself was born with cerebral palsy and have that lived experience of trying to get people to see my abilities versus my disability, I, with a couple of friends, came up with the name Radiant Abilities, to focus on shining. That did sound too corny, I know it does, but shining your abilities and what you can do and what your strengths are.
Speaker 2:I love that and you are, you know, living experience of that you're going through on your own. Tell us about that. Tell the listeners about your lived experience and I think it's so special and we can gain so much empathy, knowledge and compassion for our communities, you know, by having wonderful radiant ability speakers like yourself come in and share. So, yeah, tell us about that.
Speaker 3:So I'll share my biggest story, which is my own dating journey and why I do what I do. Yes, and I hear over and over from people who came to me I would love to have a partner and they were all to be, but I have a disability, so I can't see that for me. So I can't see that for me, and at the same time, I was single and trying to figure out dating for myself, and I have always been a kind of person that I am driven by my dreams and driven by the life I see for myself, and that has always been able to get me the life I wanted, whether it's learning to drive a car, going away to college, getting a job, whatever. However, I had a heck of a time figuring out things, because I have an obvious disability and back then we didn't really talk about people with disabilities dating or having a brother. So I got working on it.
Speaker 3:I would go to my office every week and work with my counselor and, through many trials and errors, I finally got to the point in my day career that for me, I knew at the first date I had to bring up the issue or I would never hear from them again. So, on this particular first date, I finally worked up the courage to say so how are you doing with me having a disability and big tears welled up my insides rolled down his face and he whispered I'm so uncomfortable and I thought, oh, you know what I'm done. This is not me. It won't happen to me this is way too painful for her.
Speaker 3:But because I did all the work on myself, I knew that there was't a good option today. So I took a breath and I said well, I have this disability that I will have for life and here are some things that make me a good partner for someone. And that's the way I really took it and I would like to get to know you. But if you can't handle that, that's okay. And we parted that night, it's okay. And we parted that night and I did not know if I would come in again.
Speaker 3:But the next night he emailed me and said I really don't know if I can take someone with a disability, but you're so confident in who you are, I need to get to know you. So we began to date and for the first, like three months, at the end of every date I would put on my counselor hat and say so, how are you doing now with me and the disability? And he would go, oh, I'm not sure. And then the next breath, say so, what are you doing next weekend? Brett says so, what are you doing next weekend? And he says this year we will have a merry 16 years.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, congratulations.
Speaker 3:Yeah, thank you. And one of the most obvious it changed my personal life, but it also changed my career, because I then had the answer for how to date with a disability. And it really is about coming into your own acceptance of claiming who you are, disability and all, and doing the hard thing of facing rejection and doing it anyway.
Speaker 2:I love that. And you know we have a great saying rejection is protection. So that was never for you and you are better because of it and I think it really it feels better, it really does, it feels better. I think it really it feels better, it really does, it feels better. You think, yeah, that's, that's true. Yeah, I love that, that's wonderful. Oh, my gosh, that's a wonderful story. And you know the information that we get from these types of trials and errors, to be able to put it for, you know, other individuals, to help them through that work is so important because nobody knows where to start unless they do so I think it's great to have some learning, some like first steps to take.
Speaker 3:Right, exactly, and I am a great dating and relationship nurse and I have come up with a framework of stages that one progresses through with day beginning, with seven to the confidence working up, to putting oneself out there, working up to max degrees in relationships. We often think of staying as the result or the outcome you're going to get, rather than the journey. Yeah, journey, yeah, and it can be quite a journey of self-discovery of your strengths, your skills and becoming more of the person you were meant to become. And that's what I tend to help people with the person you were meant to become. And that's what identity helps people with.
Speaker 2:I love that and I love what you said before about you know your own self-acceptance, because how hard is that? That is so hard for every human I don't know, maybe not every human. I look at my daughter and I see this like person who knows herself so well and I'm like, so admire her for that. Maybe that's because that's who I wanted her to be able to be. You know, she doesn't have to question her value or question her worth. She just is the perfect person she was here to be, and so I like to remind her of that and I hope that others hearing that can get that idea to maybe give their kiddos, because I have teenagers and they're going to date someday and I'm going to need to have these things in place for them to be able to coach them correctly through these ideas. And I love the self-acceptance part.
Speaker 3:It's so powerful because when we have that, how others react to it ultimately doesn't really matter, because we are secure in who we are. That alone can be so helpful in doing it. If I knew that in my 20s, my 20s would have been a lot easier than they were.
Speaker 2:Isn't that the truth? Right Hindsight, oh boy. We can change the world with hindsight.
Speaker 3:So in my program that I run, dating Made Easier, which is all virtual. On Dating Made Easier, which is all virtual I love it when I have people doing who are in their 20s and just getting into dating so that we can really work on their acceptance and how they define themselves.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And do you do like dating what's the word? You know where they go, they come in and do the fast, fast little dating things like that.
Speaker 3:I do no matchmaking. Okay, and that's the principle of mine. My belief is that I don't want to be your matchmaker. I want you to be your own best matchmaker, because no one knows you like you do. Yep.
Speaker 2:I love that and that's really powerful for people to learn how to do that, because they're probably going to find that these tools are going to help them in the dating, but they're probably going to use them for more than just that in their life moving forward. Like you said, you found that you were taking these things and dating and learning from them, but then you realize my career is also going to take you know some of these skills and I can use them for that as well. I love that.
Speaker 3:Right, right, right. So to answer your question, in my program we do more coaching, we do workshops every month and dating together. We do networking so other people can get to know other people and support each other.
Speaker 2:And it's virtual so anyone can join. Love that, yeah, oh, I love that. I'm going to put the website up for anybody who's watching and those who are listening, so that you know where to go to check this out is radiantabilitiescom R-A-D-I-A-N-T-A-B-I-L-I-T-E-Scom radiantabilitiescom, so that you can go and check out Kathy's work that she's doing. And if you are dating or know someone who is going to be dating and would like some of these coaching tips or learn how to even start dating, I think this is a wonderful place to start. I highly recommend please going to check it out. What is what's coming up for you? Anything new that you might be going to work on or just coaching? You know clients coming in.
Speaker 3:Well, right now we get to the program. It's been relatively new. We only got around for two years. Okay, they're very focused On growing the program To really Simplify the process when people the program. To really solidify the process when people get into the program so that they can identify where they're at in their day and journey and give them a roadmap about okay, you're here, this is what might be helpful to you. Give them a roadmap about okay, you're here, this is what might be helpful to you. So that's what we're focusing on right now.
Speaker 2:I love that. And who doesn't need a roadmap? You know, whether you're typical or atypical, there is always an ease that you can get from having kind of an outline to follow or, like you said, this roadmap or this framework of ideas. And the greatest thing is that this has already excuse me, this has already come from trial and error. She's giving you the error part, people, so that you can just get on with the good dating part.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I always know and be well. It took me 20 years, but it doesn't need to take you 20 years to figure it out. And I will often say, even though I specialize in working with people with disabilities, the program is someone to anyone who feels that they need that support and encouragement.
Speaker 2:I love that. It's important too, and I think that it's so special that you are offering this for the disability community and it's lovely and it's part of our lives. It's a part of our lives that isn't maybe touched on or spoken about as openly as it could be and to get support, people think they have to just go in and do this alone, like about so many things. But you don't have to go in and do it alone, like about so many things. But you don't have to go in and do it alone. You can reach out to people like Kathy at Radiant Abilities, where you can learn to number one, have more self-acceptance and really lead from the right foot. It sounds like.
Speaker 3:Yes, and actually it's surprising, but today there are so many dating apps, so many choices. However, people are feeling more alone than ever in dating because it can be overwhelming the choices. Because it can be overwhelming the choices and because some people have so many choices.
Speaker 2:They easily wipe away possibility, and that's too bad, isn't it? You know, I was really lucky to meet my husband in person, you know, not through any type of virtual anything. I met him at his kitchen table and we had coffee together for eight months before we started dating, so it was a great experience. Now we're going on 21 years in a couple of weeks. Yeah, it's been fantastic. My best friend, I just can't wait to see him every single day. Um, and I really did. Our, our relationship really grew out of honesty, out of truth, out of acceptance for one another and really, to be honest, he accepted so much more of me than I had accepted of myself, and he's taught me how to be more accepting of myself in this two decades that we've been together, and I thank him. It's such a blessing.
Speaker 3:Right, and Sarah, when you say all that hasn't being married, having your person, improve your quality of life so much.
Speaker 2:One thousand million, trillion percent, absolutely, like, absolutely. I grew up as an only child of divorced parents with the idea that loneliness was my life's gift. Right, and I was. It was sad and lonely and it was isolating and I was also autistic and didn't know it and you know I had a physical difference that kept me apart from people. That made that was hard, um, and so, yeah, finding that relationship that finally like clicked, was it changed everything?
Speaker 3:my I was able to come into who I really am supposed to, professionals in the disability community, and what I teach to them is looking at the importance of supporting people today and have a relationship, because that will probably be the most influential factor in improving their quality of life, which, essentially, is what organizations want to be about.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Right. That's what we want and we all want to find these steps to help us, and that's why things like things that Kathy with Radiant Abilities are doing, these types of things, are going to help our society, help our communities, help our special disability communities that need all that should get all of this wonderful support and really, like you said, help identify those stalling problems or little things that you're going to be able to help yourself get through, and then you're going to feel great about yourself because you're working and improving on yourself. And the great thing about that is that when you're working on yourself and improving yourself, others can see the shine, they see the radiance, they see the brightness. You summed it up perfectly the light shines so much brighter when you are living to be your happiest self brighter when you are living to be your happiest self, and people are drawn to the light.
Speaker 3:so you attract your people.
Speaker 2:Yes, exactly, oh, this is so wonderful. I just love that we've been able to get together today like this and so grateful for technology and, you know, like you said otherwise, like how could we have ever met, you know, in upstate New York and Salt Lake City? So this is just such such an honor to be able to have guests like you come and share for the ultimate goal of improving the lives of all of the people around us. I think that it's a beautiful cause and I just I wish you all the best in you know, in the company and in your own life and everything. It's just it's so nice to get to know you.
Speaker 3:Oh, thank you, Sarah. I can't tell you before we get to the point. I think you have a great show. I love the diversity in all the guests that you bring on Thank you. You're showing how diverse the disabled community is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and it's so lovely, it's just so lovely. Everywhere you look there is something more beautiful to look at, someone with value to add and friends to be had. Right, exactly, yeah, I love that. Well, if you are looking to make better connections in your dating life Right, exactly yeah out for you that you can put a little bit more pizzazz and flair into and just really learn how to shine your abilities so brightly.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much for your time today you're welcome, sarah, and I'm gonna offer a little gift to you. Yes, thank you and get a download of our app information to help build confidence and self-esteem. So we'll give you that so that you can buy it and show it.
Speaker 2:I love that. Thank you so much and please do take advantage of that. Listeners that. Thank you so much and please do take advantage of that. Listeners. Please, you know, go and check out this website and download the information so that you can be a super dater and have some success and find that right connection. Thank you for having me on it's been a pleasure and I'm happy to have you.
